So when I last left you I was seeing my GP and that I did...
Well I was ready a fight... I was to broken too tired to put up with this without help and... I didn't need to fight the GP was amazing he checked everything full MOT. ordered more blood tests, there and then I went downstairs and had them done.
He said he was pretty sure it was Fibromyalgia but if the blood tests show anything else he will call me, and they will be back in a day or so...
So I told myself two doctors are not so likely to be wrong and I am filled with confidence in this doctor I saw and BANG we have acceptance... I'm not happy about it how can I be I'm 27 years old (though if you ask me on a fibro fog day I might tell you I'm 26) and a mother of three small children the youngest isn't even two yet and there's so much I can't do.
I still cry a lot and I am far from being comfortable with the 'new me' but acceptance is the first step...
Next will be can do's not can't do's maybe that will be the next entry... maybe not though maybe I need a lot more time to feel sorry for myself.
So what is the plan right now... Well now I'm on okay painkillers... they help a bit unfortunately giving me a headache lol
Its a very high dose which makes me feel quite ill so I am trying to balance it for when I need the full dose today I took 1 tramadol and then topped it with ibuprofen and paracetamol (which i need the paracetamol for the tramadol headache lol) so this keeps me going along with antidepressants...
Today... today I am going to eat half my dinner if not all of it... and that's my goal... simple isn't it... I'm struggling to eat lately, partly the tablets, partly the fibro and I suspect partly depression... but lets try today to eat half a meal and see what happens...
Sometimes I like to listen to music I can relate to, which will probably (almost definitely) make me cry... I need to cry at the moment and it feels better to cry at a song then to begin to get lost in self pity because if I get too caught in that spiral I may never get out!
This is a song I relate to a lot some times I feel like this sums it up.
Friday 23 March 2012
Monday 19 March 2012
Weekends are for relaxing... or not
Well I over did it... I knew I did... I knew I was going to...
I assumed that if I did more then I should I would be a bit more sore and just a lot more tired... and that's okay I will have to make do... What the reality was that I got up went dizzy almost collapsed and was in pain from head to toe, this carried on the next day too... Lesson learnt.
I thought I would be able to put my family first and me and fibro later but I can't I now understand that it isn't something I can play martyr with I really do need to change my life adapt to a fibromyalgia life.
it means my plans are inevitably going to change.
Plans I will have to scrap include ballet lessons and for the time being my own baking business as I struggle with piping icing.
One plan I had set myself which will not shift though it should but this makes me more determined to do it...
When I was a child I was a competent climber but my fear of heights meant I couldn't abseil back down... I decided when I was pregnant I would do this with my daughter watching so I was doing it for her... well two further children later I have not had opportunity... in October I will have the opportunity and I will be doing it... yes it will hurt but now I am more determined to do it :)
Today I am seeing my GP. I have been left for 2 months in an unbearable amount of pain every day today is the day that changes... I have decided... I try and keep my cool in the Dr's. but I can't any longer they need to know what effect this has on my life, how depressed it makes me...
I know I can live with my condition but I can't do it on my own, I need the aids to be able to cope and one of these aids is the right medication.
Unfortunately Fibromyalgia is not curable but the pain can be managed and that's all I want... Yes I still wont be able to walk to my local bus stop without being in pain and being unbelievably tired but I will be able to just relax pain free at least
I assumed that if I did more then I should I would be a bit more sore and just a lot more tired... and that's okay I will have to make do... What the reality was that I got up went dizzy almost collapsed and was in pain from head to toe, this carried on the next day too... Lesson learnt.
I thought I would be able to put my family first and me and fibro later but I can't I now understand that it isn't something I can play martyr with I really do need to change my life adapt to a fibromyalgia life.
it means my plans are inevitably going to change.
Plans I will have to scrap include ballet lessons and for the time being my own baking business as I struggle with piping icing.
One plan I had set myself which will not shift though it should but this makes me more determined to do it...
When I was a child I was a competent climber but my fear of heights meant I couldn't abseil back down... I decided when I was pregnant I would do this with my daughter watching so I was doing it for her... well two further children later I have not had opportunity... in October I will have the opportunity and I will be doing it... yes it will hurt but now I am more determined to do it :)
Today I am seeing my GP. I have been left for 2 months in an unbearable amount of pain every day today is the day that changes... I have decided... I try and keep my cool in the Dr's. but I can't any longer they need to know what effect this has on my life, how depressed it makes me...
I know I can live with my condition but I can't do it on my own, I need the aids to be able to cope and one of these aids is the right medication.
Unfortunately Fibromyalgia is not curable but the pain can be managed and that's all I want... Yes I still wont be able to walk to my local bus stop without being in pain and being unbelievably tired but I will be able to just relax pain free at least
Friday 16 March 2012
Fibromyalgia
I've been recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia... I went to the DR after one cold day my hand started hurting, they suspected arthritis, they said either rheumatoid or tempory viral... my blood tests came back clear so they ruled that out.
I went back because my back was hurting and life was becoming amazingly hard. The DR did an assessment and he said I have Fibromyalgia... it was a bit of a shock being told I have this permanent painful condition... I keep hoping that they have made a mistake though each day the things that happen in my body scream the truth...
I had such hopes for changing my life this year but every goal i set i'm unable to do... in a few months my whole world changed...
Now I need to accept and begin setting goals for my new life as thats what I have now... the Ballet lessons, the shoes the everything I had planned for this year might be different now but I know eventually I will have new plans...
At the moment at 2 weeks past diagnosis I'm really struggling... I wake up in the morning, tired in pain and I want to cry... sometimes I do, remembering that I have this and this could be every morning for the rest of my life...
My husband has to help me dress and help me by cutting my food, he has to cook etc etc and its horrible, I don't feel I have a life it's an existence.
Some days when the pain has been so bad all day I consider if it's even worth living anymore, if I could offer anything as I am to the people in my life...
If it was just pain maybe I could cope but everything I do exhausts me, a single speech therapy session and a short walk and i was comatose for 2 hours.
It's not helped I have a curvature of the Spine... I only found this out when I went physio last week... my back is the worst pain and they think it was done during pregnancy but the fibro has made it hurt because my brain tells my body everything hurts so when something really does hurt its going to to be worse...
Though in a way it makes sense... Theres been odd things going on for years.. aches and pains never worth seeing a gp for... my memory... ibs... migraines... palpitations... temperature problems etc etc all part of this illness...
I went back because my back was hurting and life was becoming amazingly hard. The DR did an assessment and he said I have Fibromyalgia... it was a bit of a shock being told I have this permanent painful condition... I keep hoping that they have made a mistake though each day the things that happen in my body scream the truth...
I had such hopes for changing my life this year but every goal i set i'm unable to do... in a few months my whole world changed...
Now I need to accept and begin setting goals for my new life as thats what I have now... the Ballet lessons, the shoes the everything I had planned for this year might be different now but I know eventually I will have new plans...
At the moment at 2 weeks past diagnosis I'm really struggling... I wake up in the morning, tired in pain and I want to cry... sometimes I do, remembering that I have this and this could be every morning for the rest of my life...
My husband has to help me dress and help me by cutting my food, he has to cook etc etc and its horrible, I don't feel I have a life it's an existence.
Some days when the pain has been so bad all day I consider if it's even worth living anymore, if I could offer anything as I am to the people in my life...
If it was just pain maybe I could cope but everything I do exhausts me, a single speech therapy session and a short walk and i was comatose for 2 hours.
It's not helped I have a curvature of the Spine... I only found this out when I went physio last week... my back is the worst pain and they think it was done during pregnancy but the fibro has made it hurt because my brain tells my body everything hurts so when something really does hurt its going to to be worse...
Though in a way it makes sense... Theres been odd things going on for years.. aches and pains never worth seeing a gp for... my memory... ibs... migraines... palpitations... temperature problems etc etc all part of this illness...
Long time no write...
It's been long after a year since I last wrote so here is a quick re-cap...
When I last left you Alyssa was confirmed reflux and suspected cows milk intolerance...
Shortly after that she was confirmed as cows milk allergy, moved onto Neocate milk and I had to stop breastfeeding... Her allergy caused her to become Failure to Thrive.
On the Neocate she began growing again *YAY*... We then tried weaning her, it soon became apparent she was allergic to Gluten/Wheat, Soy, Egg and the milk she also has the family issue with Salicylates.
She is now over a year old she has seen the allergy clinic who has told us she has Non-IgE mediated allergies. she is still on a very limited diet but we try her every 6 months.
My middle daughter Sophina is still battling bad eczema but is very happy... She is now seeing speech therapy for Speech delay.
My eldest daughter Emily now has got a sensitivity to Salicylates :( quite sad because she was my only one which didn't have an allergy/intolerance :(
When I last left you Alyssa was confirmed reflux and suspected cows milk intolerance...
Shortly after that she was confirmed as cows milk allergy, moved onto Neocate milk and I had to stop breastfeeding... Her allergy caused her to become Failure to Thrive.
On the Neocate she began growing again *YAY*... We then tried weaning her, it soon became apparent she was allergic to Gluten/Wheat, Soy, Egg and the milk she also has the family issue with Salicylates.
She is now over a year old she has seen the allergy clinic who has told us she has Non-IgE mediated allergies. she is still on a very limited diet but we try her every 6 months.
My middle daughter Sophina is still battling bad eczema but is very happy... She is now seeing speech therapy for Speech delay.
My eldest daughter Emily now has got a sensitivity to Salicylates :( quite sad because she was my only one which didn't have an allergy/intolerance :(
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